|
Post by chippoy on May 18, 2009 16:20:51 GMT 8
Naaalala ko tuloy lola ko! hehehe
|
|
|
Post by ichthusemz on May 22, 2009 1:45:43 GMT 8
hahahahha....ang luphet ni LOLA... mag kopEn Scooter na tayo.
|
|
|
Post by xyphrus on May 26, 2009 11:59:40 GMT 8
Hahahah! Nakakatuwa tong thread na toh..
|
|
bukojuz
ADIK ako mag-post!!
Posts: 110
|
Post by bukojuz on Jun 2, 2009 9:57:47 GMT 8
THE CHAIR
An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics. The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk and wrote on the board: "Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist."
Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion. Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the existence of the chair. One member of the class however, was up and finished in less than a minute.
Weeks later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group wondered how he could have gotten an A when he had barely written anything at all.
His answer consisted of two words: "What chair?"
|
|
bukojuz
ADIK ako mag-post!!
Posts: 110
|
Post by bukojuz on Jun 2, 2009 10:11:51 GMT 8
Regalo
Mare: Di yata nagustuhan ni PARE ang birthday gift mo ah?
Mrs: Oo nga, 7 months na, di pa rin ginagamit.
Mare: Bakit, ano ba regalo mo sa kanya?
Mrs: Memorial Plan.
Kriminal
KRIMINAL1: "Pare, sigurado ka bang dito dadaan yung papatayin natin?"
KRIMINAL2: "Oo, nagtataka nga ako, isang oras na tayo dito wala pa rin siya! Sana naman walang nangyaring masama sa kanya...
Tutpik
Customer: Ano ba naman itong tutpik nyo, iisa na nga lang ang dali pang mabali.
Waiter (inis): Alam nyo sir, ang dami ng gumamit nyan, pero kayo lang nakabali!
Confident Vs. Confidential
Anak: Itay, ano kaibahan ng confident sa confidential?
Itay: Anak kita, CONFIDENT ako dyan. Yung bestpren mong si Tikboy, anak ko rin, CONFIDENTIAL yan.
First love never dies
Anak: Inay, totoo ba na "First love never dies?"
Nanay: Aba , oo. Tignan mo yang Tatay mo, hanggang ngayon buhay pa ang animal!
Promotion
Judge: Ikaw na naman! Sampung taon ka nang dito humaharap sa korte ko, ha?
Swindler: Your Honor, hindi ko kasalanan kung hindi po kayo ma-promote.
Ang sulat
Patient: Dok, malungkot dito sa mental kaya naisipan kong sulatan ang sarili ko...
Doc: E ano naman laman ng sulat mo?
Patient: Di ko pa po alam kasi next week ko pa ‘ata matatanggap...
Hide and Seek
WIFE: Hon, hide and seek tayo. If you find me, papayag akong makipag-love making sa 'yo...
HUSBAND: Eh, kung di kita makita?
WIFE: Nasa likod lang ako ng piano...
Ngongo
Dumating si ngongo sa bahay at tinakpan ang eyes ni misis...
Ngongo: "nges hu?"...
MRS: Sira!!!! Pa-nges hu nges hu ka pa dyan... e ikaw lang ngongo dito!
Rape Suspek
ATTY: Inday! Pwede mo bang idiscribe dito sa korte ang taong nangrape sa ‘yo?
INDAY: Maitim, panot, tagyawatin, pango ilong at bungal...
SUSPEK: Sige! Mangasar ka pa!!!
Dalawang SIRA ulo....
SIRA1: Magaling ka na ba?
SIRA2: Oo naman!!!
SIRA1: Talaga?... kaya mo bang tumawid sa ilaw ng flashlight ko?
SIRA2: Ano ko sira? E pano kung patayin mo flashlayt mo?... E di nalaglag pa ko!!!
Teacher & Boy
TEACHER: Anong mangyayari pag puputulin ang isa mong tenga?
BOY: Hihina po pandinig ko.
TEACHER: E kung dalawang tenga?
BOY: Lalabo po paningin ko!
TEACHER: Baket naman?
BOY: Malalaglag po salamin ko.
|
|
|
Post by <<Batman>> on Jun 2, 2009 12:03:00 GMT 8
Ayos sa mga jokes ah!!!
Oist, bukojuz, sama ka na sa Lubao ride!!!
|
|
ichthusjanz
ADIK ako mag-post!!
Load your tank with petrol and your Heart with the Spirit
Posts: 157
|
Post by ichthusjanz on Jun 2, 2009 12:15:51 GMT 8
Eto taken from my own personal experience. This is one funny answer I got during an interview with a CSR applicant.
I asked "Why should we hire you?"
Applicant replied "I can work as a team."
|
|
|
Post by <<Batman>> on Jun 2, 2009 13:19:59 GMT 8
Eto taken from my own personal experience. This is one funny answer I got during an interview with a CSR applicant. I asked "Why should we hire you?"Applicant replied "I can work as a team."Ok yan bro..multi-tasking yan, pwedeng pwede! Or baka naman yung output ng personal work nya eh katumbas ng isang team.
|
|
ichthusjanz
ADIK ako mag-post!!
Load your tank with petrol and your Heart with the Spirit
Posts: 157
|
Post by ichthusjanz on Jun 3, 2009 8:35:56 GMT 8
Eto taken from my own personal experience. This is one funny answer I got during an interview with a CSR applicant. I asked "Why should we hire you?"Applicant replied "I can work as a team."Ok yan bro..multi-tasking yan, pwedeng pwede! Or baka naman yung output ng personal work nya eh katumbas ng isang team. We initially wanted to hire him because of the possibility that he could save us a lot in labor costs. But the salary he was asking is equal to the salary of a team. Hehehehe...
|
|
bukojuz
ADIK ako mag-post!!
Posts: 110
|
Post by bukojuz on Jun 3, 2009 14:39:09 GMT 8
Eto taken from my own personal experience. This is one funny answer I got during an interview with a CSR applicant. I asked "Why should we hire you?"Applicant replied "I can work as a team."HAHAHA! ...serious siya??
|
|
bukojuz
ADIK ako mag-post!!
Posts: 110
|
Post by bukojuz on Jun 3, 2009 14:42:05 GMT 8
Ayos sa mga jokes ah!!! Oist, bukojuz, sama ka na sa Lubao ride!!! gusto ko! gustong gusto ko! ..pero me pasok ako saturday, di bale will confirm on the day before, lagi naman e hehe... thanks!
|
|
bukojuz
ADIK ako mag-post!!
Posts: 110
|
Post by bukojuz on Jun 4, 2009 9:08:16 GMT 8
ITALIAN'S TOMATO GARDEN
An old Italian man lived alone in the country. He wanted to dig his tomato garden, but it was very hard work as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.
Dear Vincent, I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year.
I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me.
Love, Dad
A few days later he received a letter from his son.
Dear Dad, Not for nothing, but don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the BODIES.
Love, Vinnie
At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.
That same day the old man received another letter from his son.
Dear Dad, Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love, Vinnie
|
|
|
Post by rideralf on Jun 4, 2009 12:56:50 GMT 8
ITALIAN'S TOMATO GARDEN An old Italian man lived alone in the country. He wanted to dig his tomato garden, but it was very hard work as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament. Dear Vincent, I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me. Love, Dad A few days later he received a letter from his son. Dear Dad, Not for nothing, but don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the BODIES. Love, Vinnie At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son. Dear Dad, Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances. Love, Vinnie NYA HA HA! Ayos!
Free Labor. He he he.
|
|
ichthusjanz
ADIK ako mag-post!!
Load your tank with petrol and your Heart with the Spirit
Posts: 157
|
Post by ichthusjanz on Jun 4, 2009 14:51:17 GMT 8
ITALIAN'S TOMATO GARDEN An old Italian man lived alone in the country. He wanted to dig his tomato garden, but it was very hard work as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament. Dear Vincent, I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me. Love, Dad A few days later he received a letter from his son. Dear Dad, Not for nothing, but don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the BODIES. Love, Vinnie At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son. Dear Dad, Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances. Love, Vinnie Hahaha... that's why sometimes I think that those guys behind bars are a lot smarter than most of our law enforcers.
|
|
|
Post by <<Batman>> on Jun 9, 2009 16:22:30 GMT 8
Mrs. Tanoy is a very kuripot Ilocana (no offense meant to all Ilocanos). When her husband died, she inquired with the newspaper, asking the price for the obituary.
The ad taker said: "300 pesos for 5 words." She said: "Pwede ba 2 words lang? "Tanoy dead"" Ad taker: "No mam. 5 words is the minimum." After thinking for a while, Mrs. Tanoy said: "Ok, para sulit, ilagay mo,
"TANOY DEAD, TOYOTA FOR SALE "
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
Boy: Nay may ulam ba? Nanay: Tignan mo na lang dyan sa ref, anak. Boy: Eh wala naman tayong ref, di ba? Nanay: O, e di wala tayong ulam. Konting common sense naman dyan!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
Caloy: Tay ,di ba sabi mo bibigyan mo ko ng P100 pag pumasa ako sa Math? Tatay: Oo. Bakit, pumasa ka ba? Caloy: Gud news, tay! Di ka na gagastos ng P100.
--------------------------------------------------------------
Kano (trying to speak Tagalog): Meg-kanow isang kilow mang-gow? Tindero: One way. Kano : Meg-kanow? Tindero: I sed ONE WAY. Kano : Aynowng ibig sabeyhin ng one way? Tindero: Isang daan. Understang?!
--------------------------------------------------------------
MMDA (with pen and ticket to a traffic violator): Name? Foreigner Driver: Wilhelm Von Corgrinski Papakovitz. MMDA: Ahhh okay...(sabay tago ticket)...Next time be careful, ok?
--------------------------------------------------------------
BF: Sunduin kita mamaya ha. Bubusina nalang ako pag nasa harap nako ng bahay nyo. GF: Cge. Anong sasakyan ang dala mo? BF: Wala. Busina lang...
--------------------------------------------------------------
Nag-aapply si Tomas na security guard...
Interviewer: Ang kailangan namin ay taong laging may suspicious mind, highly alert, insistent personality, strong sense of hearing with a killer instinct. Sa tingin mo ba qualified ka?
Tomas: Sa palagay ko po hindi. Pwede po bang yun misis ko nalang ang mag-apply?
--------------------------------------------------------------
Pasyente ... magkano ang facelift? Doktora ... complete treatment ay P145,000 Pasyente ... mahal!!! ano bang pinakamurang treatment para magmukha akong bata? Doktora ... heto tsupon, P20 lang!! --------------------------------------------------------------
PROBLEMA NGA
Pasyente ... Doc, may problema ako...tuwing alas otso ng umaga dumudumi ako... Doktor ... so, anong problema doon? Pasyente ... Eh alas nuwebe po ako nagigising.
-------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Andoy, Sa susunod, Nido non-fat milk na lang ang ipadala mo sa tatay mo. Nasisira kasi ang tiyan nya sa Nivea Moisturizing milk eh. Nagmamahal, Nanay
--------------------------------------------------------------
ANAK: ' Tay , penge ng pera. May project kami. Bibili ako ng "cocomban". TATAY: Ano ka ba naman. Hangga ngayon "cocomban" pa rin ang tawag mo! ANAK: Ano po ba ang tama? TATAY: Bomb paper!
-------------------------------------------------------------- MISIS: Dear, iligaw mo nga tong pusa. Nakasako na, dalhin mo sa malayo! MISTER: Ok!
Makalipas ang ilang oras...
MISIS: Bakit ka ginabi? Niligaw mo ba ang pusa? MISTER: Bwisit na pusang yan! Kundi ko siya sinundan, di ako nakauwi!
|
|
bukojuz
ADIK ako mag-post!!
Posts: 110
|
Post by bukojuz on Jun 9, 2009 17:21:05 GMT 8
nice batman! keep em coming! THE CHRISTIAN BARBER There was a barber that thought that he should share his faith with his customers more than he had been doing lately. So the next morning when the sun came up and the barber got up out of bed he said, "Today I am going to witness to the first man that walks through my door." Soon after he opened his shop the first man came in and said, "I want a shave!" The barber said, "Sure, just sit in the seat and I'll be with you in a moment." The barber went in the back and prayed a quick desperate prayer saying, "God, the first customer came in and I'm going to witness to him. So give me the wisdom to know just the right thing to say to him. Amen." Then quickly the barber came out with his razor knife in one hand and a Bible in the other while saying "Good morning sir. I have a question for you... Are you ready to die?"
|
|
bukojuz
ADIK ako mag-post!!
Posts: 110
|
Post by bukojuz on Jun 11, 2009 9:25:54 GMT 8
THE NEW PASTOR
A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took out a business card and wrote "Revelation 3:20" on the back of it and stuck it in the door.
When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, "Genesis 3:10." Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter.
Revelation 3:20 begins "Behold, I stand at the door and knock." Genesis 3:10 reads, "I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked.”
Remember when the funniest jokes were the clean ones? They still are!
|
|
bukojuz
ADIK ako mag-post!!
Posts: 110
|
Post by bukojuz on Jun 13, 2009 14:24:57 GMT 8
it may not make you laugh, but will definitely give you a big smile. NEW VERSION OF FOOTPRINTS Imagine you and the Lord Jesus are walking down the road together. For much of the way, the Lord's footprints go along steadily, consistently, rarely varying the pace. But your footprints are a disorganized stream of zigzags, starts, stops, turnarounds, circles, departures and returns. For much of the way, it seems to go like this, but gradually your footprints come more in line with the Lord's, soon paralleling His consistently. You and Jesus are walking as true friends! This seems perfect, but then an interesting thing happens: Your footprints, that once etched the sand next to Jesus', are now walking precisely in His steps. Inside His larger footprints are your smaller ones, you and Jesus are becoming one. This goes on for many miles, but gradually you notice another change. The footprints inside the large footprints seem to grow larger. Eventually they disappear altogether. There is only one set of footprints: they have become one. This goes on for a long time, but suddenly the second set of footprints are back. This time it seems even worse! Zigzags all over the place. Stops. Starts. Deep gashes in the sand. A veritable mess of prints. You are amazed and shocked. Your dream ends. Now you pray: "Lord, I understand the first scene with zigzags and fits. I was a new Christian; I was just learning. But you walked on through the storm and helped me learn to walk with you." "That is correct." " ... and when the smaller footprints were inside of Yours, I was actually learning to walk in Your steps; followed you very closely." "Very good. You have understood everything so far." "... when the smaller footprints grew and filled in Yours, I suppose that I was becoming like you in every way." "Precisely." "So, Lord, was there a regression or something? The footprints separated, and this time it was worse than at first." There is a pause as the Lord answers with a smile in his voice. "You don't know? That was when we danced." "To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under Heaven. A time to weep, a time to laugh; A time to mourn, and a time to dance." Ecclesiastes 3:1,4
|
|
|
Post by Angkasera on Jun 15, 2009 18:09:50 GMT 8
Question 1: Which servant of God was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible?
Answer: Moses, he broke all 10 commandments all at the same time! ;D
Question 2: Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
Answer: Noah, 'cause he was floating his stocks while everybody else is in liquidation.
Question 3: Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
Answer: Samson, he brough the house down
Quesstion 4: What do they call the pastors in Germany?
Answer: German Shepherd
Question 5: Why didnt' they play cards on the Ark?
Answer: Because Noah was standing on the deck he he
|
|
|
Post by Angkasera on Jun 19, 2009 15:38:50 GMT 8
Pastor's Business Card: A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took out his business card and wrote "Revelation 3:20" on the back of it and stuck it in the door.
When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, "Genesis 3:10."
Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter.
Revelation 3:20 begins "Behold, I stand at the door and knock."
Genesis 3:10 reads, "I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked."
"A cheerful heart is good medicine" (Prov. 17:22)
|
|