bukojuz
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Post by bukojuz on Jun 20, 2009 9:30:33 GMT 8
INTELLIGENT WOMAN VERSUS INTELLIGENT MEN
11 PEOPLE ON A ROPE!
Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one had to leave, because otherwise they were all going to fall. They weren't able to designate a person, until the woman gave a very touching speech. She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because as a woman, she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids, or for men in general, and she was used to always making sacrifices, with little in return.
As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping.
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bukojuz
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Post by bukojuz on Jun 20, 2009 9:33:36 GMT 8
CHALLENGING GOD
One day, an atheist professor who constantly tries to disprove God stood up on a podium in front of his class and said, "Today class I will disprove God! If God really exists then he will knock me off this podium within 15 minutes!" The professor then took his watch and started to keep time. ... "10 minutes to go God!" ... "5 minutes to go God!" ... Now a football player was outside the door and heard the teacher counting. When he heard what the teacher was doing, he was furious and waited. "1 minute left! Well class as you can see there is no possible way that i will come off this podium no so your God is..." At that moment the football player came charging in and tackled the professor off the podium and onto the floor. Stunned the professor stammered, "wh-where did you come from?!" The football player smirked and replied, "God was busy so he sent me."
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bukojuz
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Post by bukojuz on Jul 6, 2009 8:37:10 GMT 8
QUESTION:
Who is the character on the bible killed ¼ of the population in the whole world?
answer: " CAIN " !!
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bukojuz
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Post by bukojuz on Jul 10, 2009 11:04:01 GMT 8
Makabagong kasabihan: Kagandahan edition 1 ) Para sa magaganda: "aanhin mo ang ganda, kung wala ka namang papa." 2 ) Para sa gustong magpaganda/retokada : "kung gusto mong lumandi, tiisin mo ang hapdi" 3 ) Para sa mga feeling magaganda: "talbog ang matigas na tinapay sa tigas ng mukha ng nagmamagandang inday" 4 ) Para sa mga walang ganda: "mabait man daw at magaling, ang chaka- chaka pa rin"
**** Words to live by ng mga bading (hehehe) "Walang kaibi-kaibigan pag agawan na ng dyowa ang usapan" "Sa hinaba-haba man ng prusisyon, bading din pala ang magiging karelasyon." "Walang matinong lalake sa malanding kumpare" "Aanhin mo ang guwapo, kung mas malandi pa sa iyo?" "Ang hindi marunong magmahal sa sariling dyowa, sa mga bath houses naglipana." "Matalino man daw ang bading, napeperahan pa rin." **** *** T: Ano ang pinakamasakit na maramdaman kung matanda na tayo? S: 'Yung paggising mo, tapos, pagtingin mo sa tagiliran, matanda rin ang iyong katabi. *** Symptoms of a CERTIFIED SINGLE: · Mahilig kumain. · Panalo ang social life. Alam lahat ng gimikan at mall sale. · Hayok sa tulog. · Gadget-addict. · Sa cellphone, group message nang group message ng quotes. · Ngumingiti kahit nag-iisa. · Tumataba. · Porma to the max. · Mukhang happy kahit hindi naman talaga. Symptoms of a CERTIFIED TAKEN: · Walang pera. · Mukhang ngarag at laspag. · Kuripot. · Blooming, kasi, kailangan para hindi iwan. · Walang social life kundi dyowa niya. · Boring kausap. *** Mga PAMATAY na HIRIT "Kumain ka ba ng asukal? Ang tamis kasi ng ngiti mo!" "May lahi ka bang keyboard? Type kasi kita!" "Ipapupulis kita! Ninakaw mo kasi ang puso ko!" "Are you a dictionary? Kasi, you add meaning to my life." "Meron ka bang lisensya? Kasi, you drive me crazy." "I lost my number. Can I have yours?" "Angel ba ang name mo? Kasi, you look like one." "I forgot your name. Can I call you mine?" PAMATAY na REPLY "Excuse me, kumain ka ba ng mais? Ang corny mo kasi!" ***
**** 7 tips para maiba naman ang araw mo: 1. Sikmuraan ang unang taong kasalubong at humingi ng sorry. 2. Uminom ng pampatulog labanan ito, magexercise. 3. Tibagin ang bahay gamit ang kutsara at buuin muli. 4. Himatayin kunwari sa daan, tiyaking may tao. 5. Kurutin ang nakababatang kapatid pagkatapos unahan mong umiyak. 6. Makapagtitigan sa isda. Huwag titigil hanggat hindi ito kumukurap…
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MISTER: wala akong tulog dahil naiisip ko P500K na utang ko kay pare. MISIS: madali yan! Tawagan mo si pare, sabihin mong hindi ka makakabayad sa utang mo para siya naman ang hindi makatulog!
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JUDGE: isa ka palang pusher, kidnapper, gun for hire, gambling lord, swindler at bugaw! Wala ka bang matinong hanapbuhay? ACCUSED: meron po. Pulis po ako.
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JEEP PASSENGER: manong bayad. JEEP DRIVER: saan galling? JEEP PASSENGER: sa akin. JEEP DRIVER: papunta saan? JEEP PASSENGER: sayo.
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Babae: Doc, kumusta na ang asawa ko? Doc: Sorry ma'am. Mula ngayon, ikaw na ang magpapakain at magpapaligo sa kanya, kasi, putol na ang kanyang mga kamay at paa. Babae: Hah?! Hindi nga?!? Doc: Hehehe! Ninerbyos ka ano? Joke lang! Patay na sya!
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Mrs: Naniniwala ka ba na ang babae habang tumatanda ay gumaganda? Mr: Oo naman. Mrs: Sa tingin mo, gumaganda ba ako? Mr: Sa tingin ko, hindi ka tumatanda.
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Son: Itay, pinagalitan ako ng titser ko! Dad: Bakit? Son: Hin alikan ko po ang seatmate ko. Dad: Tong anak ko, manang mana. Hehehe. Eh, masarap ba? Son: Opo, pogi po sya eh.
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Lasing: Hoy! Sinong matapang?! Labas! Lalake: Ako! Bakit? Lalaban ka?! Lasing: Pare, ihatid mo naman ako sa bahay, natatakot ako kay misis eh.
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Tatay: Asensado na talaga ang anak natin sa US . Ito, nagpadala ng picture, nakasandal sa kotse. Basahin mo nga ang nakasulat sa likod. Nanay: Inay, nagpapasalamat ako, kasi, kung hindi dahil sa kotse na ito, natumba na ako sa sobrang gutom.
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Sintomas ng PINOY LOVE: As if walang pakialam pero deep inside, worried na… miss na miss na... Pag nag-text, "So what?" daw Pero later, magre-reply rin naman. Pa-erase-erase pa ng # kunwari pero… hello… memoryado naman 'yung #. Kapag hindi tine-text ng bf/gf niya, kunwari, na-wrong send para magpapansin. Ayaw mag-text pero nagtatanong sa barkada ng bf/gf niya kung kumusta na. Haaayy… LOVE nga naman sa Pilipinas, oh… pang-adik!
GREAT FACTS Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving. Having one child makes you a parent; having two makes you a referee Marriage is a relationship wherein one person is always right and the other person is the husband. They said we should all pay our taxes with a smile. I tried but they wanted cash. The human brain functions 24 hours/day, 365 days/year until you fall for someone…
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BERTO: Ano ang mas mahalaga, pera o asawa? ROMY: Syempre, pera! Kasi, ang pera, habang tumatagal, lumalaki ang interes. Ang asawa, habang tumatagal, nawawalan ka ng interes, tapos, inuubos pa ang pera mo
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Guwapo nagtext: Luv, p load nman P100. Bakla: Ok! (Nagmamadaling naghanap ng loading station). Bakla: Narecieve mo na luv? Guwapo: Hu u?
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Ama: Bading ka ba? Anak: Opo, dadi Ama: (Dinuldol sa harina c jr). Ano?! Bading ka pa ba?! Anak: Hindi na po. Ama: Eh ano na? Anak: Geisha na po! (Ang taray!)
*************** Always remember…No matter how bad you are…You are not totally useless.. You can always be….used as a BAD EXAMPLE! Inspiring! Hehe
*************** Kagabi, sumakay ako sa jeep…lahat cla nakatingin skin…ang sama ng tingin Nla skin…cnubukan kong mag-abot ng bayad pro ndi nla tinangkang kunin ang bayad ko…bigla akong kinilabutan…hanggang sa my kumalabit na matanda sa akin at sinabing…."Arkilado namin ito.." hehehe
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Post by <<Batman>> on Jul 10, 2009 20:51:07 GMT 8
Guwapo nagtext: Luv, p load nman P100. Bakla: Ok! (Nagmamadaling naghanap ng loading station). Bakla: Narecieve mo na luv? Guwapo: Hu u? panalo 'to, natawa talaga ko dito.
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bukojuz
ADIK ako mag-post!!
Posts: 110
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Post by bukojuz on Jul 22, 2009 14:35:15 GMT 8
Coming for Thanksgiving
A man in Phoenix calls his son in New York the day before Thanksgiving and says,"I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.
"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams. We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the father says. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her."
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this,"
She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at her father, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says, "they're coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own way. What are we going to do for Christmas?"
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bukojuz
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Post by bukojuz on Jul 22, 2009 14:40:36 GMT 8
The Robot
John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmick. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change. One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector.
It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son, returned home from school. Tommy was over 2 hours late. "Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?" asked John. "Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project," said Tommy. The robot then walked around the table and slapped Tommy , knocking him completely out of his chair. "Son," said John, "this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you really were after school." "We went to Bobby"s house and watched a movie," said Tommy. "What did you watch?" asked Marsha. "The Ten Commandments," answered Tommy. The robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his chair once more. With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, "I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen."
I am ashamed of you son," said John. "When I was your age, I never lied to my parents." The robot then walked around to John and delivered a whack that nearly knocked him out of his chair. Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears and said, "Boy, did you ever ask for that one! You can"t be too mad with Tommy. After all, he is your son!" With that the robot immediately walked around to Marsha and knocked her out of her chair.
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bukojuz
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Post by bukojuz on Aug 11, 2009 9:12:32 GMT 8
BIBLE STORIES ACCORDING TO CHILDREN
Bible Stories according to Children
Pay special attention to the wording and spelling. It comes from a church affiliated elementary school. Test kids were asked questions about the Old and New Testaments. The following statements about the Bible, written by the children have neither been retouched nor corrected. All spelling remains as the children spelled the words.
1.
In the first book of Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world so he took the Sabbath off. 2.
Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah’s wife was Joan of Ark and the animals came on in pears. 3.
Lot’s wife was a pillar of salt during the day and a ball of fire at night. 4.
The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic Genitals. 5.
Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah. 6.
Sampson slayed the Philistines with the Axe of the Apostles. 7.
Moses led the Jews to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients 8.
The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up to Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Commandments. 9.
The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple 10.
The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery. 11.
Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the Battle of Geritol. 12.
The greatest miricle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand to stand still and he obeyed him. 13.
David was a Hebrew king who was skilled at playing the liar. He fought the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in biblical times.
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